mysterious thunder

"mysterious thunder"

( how the body shuts off its own mind )

it's like everytime i feel a bulge, 

a part of skin and flesh 

bending, curving, spilling out, 

from my clothing, 

it sets an alarm, like the japanese earthquake sirene system

it triggers an opening from the ceiling, dropping off dusty, moldy, dirty, wretched thoughts

of me, of people, of my family, of the world, of my body

all in all feels as if the sirene sounds and the voices are so solid and so brutal, it creates a crevice in between clouds and blue sky, the air cracks, the sky is falling down leaving a dark void, no stars, just utter darkness

it all happens in a day, in an hour, in a minute, in seconds

it could come like raging thunder in the middle of broad summer daylight

my body shuts off its own mind

leaving me dead for a few seconds

just laying there, flies flew a few

then a bell rang, 

with the last consciousness I had, I got up, then shiver

for the thought of my post-poned responsibilites, and the last minute cancelled plans

like the mysterious thunder, slapped me straight to a part of face where my teeth are still recovering, suffocate me with words of cruelty, a sentence of truth which soaring through the air around, announcing my evil doings, filling my mouth bleeding with an undeniable truth pointing at me, justfying my wretched ugliness, my horridly cruel acts and my disgusting personality of being. 

It all happens in a day, in an hour, in a minute, in seconds

though an almost unheard alarm told me that I just filled myself to full with substance of nourishment, I grab all I could see, fit it in again, into my bleeding mouth, just to feel the instant rush of joy, of forgetting what happened

now in the state of almost exploding into bits of breads and drops of blood, I pushed the whole Wall of China, a meter forward

a job for the day appears to be done

i rest my table and my back

i lie down, but then the lightning came back

it's happening again, i feel a bulge, 

a part of skin and flesh 

bending, curving, spilling out, 

from my clothing, 

it sets an alarm, like the japanese earthquake sirene system

it triggers an opening from the ceiling, dropping off dusty, moldy, dirty, wretched thoughts

of me, of people, of my family, of the world, of my body

i ran to open the room where I take showers, 

i sit in front of where I dump the residue of metabolism,

i raise my right hand, bend down all fingers except one, the middle

not to cuss, 

but to forcefully hit the insides of my neck

to abruptly force the digesting system to work backwards

as I said, this is where I dump the residue of metabolism

an hour passed, I decided, I guess this might be enough

for today

then I went to lie down, to sleep, I feel better,

i was finally able to slowly fade into another lane

i am now sleeping

the next period of sun, I woke up, 

a little hazed,

a lot of places on and in my body feels hurt

a lot of things feels wrong

why is my bed wet?